If you don't know me, or my story - let me fill you in.
Im Holly, 29, Wife to Nathan and Mumma to William (5.5) and Poppy (2.5)
When Poppy was 12 weeks old, I started this Business (TopKnot Girl) with the intention to make and sell a few Headbands to family and friends, to cover Williams swimming lessons and the always empty box of newborn nappies.
I didn't start out with the intention to grow a business, develop a brand and create a much-loved product.
There's a lot out there on the "WAHM". She's often put on a pedestal (and rightly so!) and other women covet her.
Being a WAHM is tough. For me, my kids are with me basically 24/7. William is at preschool twice a week for 6 hours, and Poppy is often glued to my leg.
"Work" time is all day. It's an email sent in the Coles parking lot, fabric ordered at midnight, cold cups of tea and rewashing loads of towels because they were forgotten about.
I have no real "work" time. Basically, I try and fit "work" in and around the needs of my family. This can be excellent, and most days it works well for me. It can also be really tough, and can give this sense of never achieving anything - as its a constant juggle between all of the plates you're trying to spin.
I wanted to be a "WAHM" because I wanted to be there all the time for the kids. The truth is - I am not always there. I am present, and available, but I do find it hard to tune out of one task and tune into the next. I get distracted easily and there never seems to be enough hours in the day.
The "Balance" that people often speak of, doesn't really exist in my world. I do believe a balance is essential, and it is something to strive for, but I have come to the realisation that its not ALWAYS achievable.
I prefer the term "Juggle" - I am aware it implies a circus act, but working from home with young children (and older ones, I'm sure!) is exactly that! Its humorous, frustrating, eventful, crazy and absolutely perfect, all in one, long performance.
When one ball is up, the other is down. You cannot think or put the expectation on yourself that you can do it all simultaneously.
Earlier this year, I came to a HUGE personal revelation. I always sensed that this craving I had to create, establish and grow a business was a bad thing. I felt that it may make my children suffer. That my attention would be distributed unevenly, and not in their favour. I would often feel guilty when I was craving being creative and longing to do "more" and dive further into this business that was exploding in front of me.
It's funny you know, I didn't really realise this was going on, until the revelation hit me.
I realised that it was OK to enjoy both. It was OK to want both in my life. It is OK to want "more" than what motherhood on it's own was offering me. I didn't have to feel bad about that.
Coming into this realisation really released me. It's funny, but it did. I have a feeling of freedom over me, and it was purely the expectation I had put upon myself that was going.
This post is about the trenches. I wanted to ramble my thoughts down, in hopes of inspiring another to begin to change how they are seeing their job.
I want to teach my babes that they can do anything. Try things. Dabble. If it doesn't work out, try again. Do something else. Do anything. Theres nothing worse than wanting to try something, but never giving yourself permission to do so! What have we really got to lose?
If someday, TopKnots are no longer loved, I'll do something else. Another idea will come. I'll adapt. I'll change (or at least I hope I would!).
I want to live NOW. Love my life right where it is. Make the most of each day. See the light on the other side of the temper tantrum and smile as I wipe sticky fingers each day.
The laundry can be re-washed. Sometimes an order will be posted a day later than I wished it would have. Often I will say no to a catch up with friends, because the business needs my time, and other days - I might just scoop up the kids and take Happy Meals to the park - because I can!
I don't know how to do what I am doing, but I am figuring it out as I go, and I want to give it the best "go" that I can!
From a WAHM in the trenches - Holly.
x x x
Oh, and before I go and kiss those loveable-yet-often-annoying cherubs - let me leave you with this little piece of advice I made up;
"You can do it all, just not today"